How not to lose yourself in a relationship

Losing someone you love is painful, but the most painful thing to endure in life, is when you lose yourself while in the process of loving someone.

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There’s something very euphoric about the start of a new relationship, something almost magical. You know what I’m talking about. The butterflies in your stomach, feeling your eyes shine as you gaze into your partner’s eyes, the endless hours of talking, that magical first kiss. These feelings are ones that you would like to last forever. It becomes easy to want to cocoon yourself in a world made for just the two of you.

Somewhere along the line, everything starts to revolve around your partner and without realizing it you’re always trying to find ways to make your partner happy.

Stop. Pause. Take a step back.

It is very easy to lose yourself while loving someone else. You don’t realize it happening because it happens gradually starting off with small sacrifices and compromises. How many friends have you heard say after a break up that they no longer recognized themselves?  That usually is the case. You don’t realize that you lost sight of who you are, of who your partner fell in love with, until after the relationship ends.

Having discussed this topic with several friends who at some point in their lives have lost themselves in a relationship, I find that these tips help you avoid losing yourself:

1. Spend time with friends/family: While you may feel like spending all your free time with your new found love, make a point to spend time with your friends without your partner. Your friends may like your partner and nothing beats your friends getting along with your beau, but remember your friends interact with you differently when your partner tags along, and it’s less intimate for them.  Your friends were there before your Mr. or Miss. Wonderful appeared into your life.  Also, your friends may red flag you when they see warning signs that you’re too blind to see. Do not flake last minute just so you could spend time with your significant other.

2. It’s alright to have different hobbies or interests:  You don’t have to stop watching Star Wars just because your partner doesn’t enjoy doing so. Your hobbies are what make you unique, gives you confidence, makes you happy, and makes you attractive. Enjoying separate hobbies also provides you with something to talk about.  So if you enjoy hiking, and he enjoys tennis, keep doing it. Identify the hobbies or interests that you do not share and continue enjoying them with your friends or on your own.

Continue reading How not to lose yourself in a relationship

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The Return

A lot of you may have read my previous blogs and are aware I quit blogging after being active for 8 years.  Recent discussions have sparked questions about my blogging years and yes, I got nostalgic and skimmed through my old posts (which are offline and kept safe by me).  Next thing I know, I’m logging onto wordpress and creating a blog from scratch  (I’ll wait for one of my geekier friends to help me with some of the more geekier stuff).

I created a blog. That was the easy part.  Now I’m staring at a blank screen not knowing where to start from.  It’s difficult to imagine that I used to blog regularly.  How should I start? What should I say? I need to ponder on this.

I can tell you that the past couple of years were not easy for me but I did learn quite a bit from it.  I however do believe that the beauty of life is going through trials and errors wile accidentally tripping on some fun.

Below is something I shared with my friends on my 33rd birthday recently.  These points are what helped me go through life and stay chipper:

Life will rarely turn out the way you want it to and that’s ok.
Accept it with a smile on your face.

Surround yourself with positive people instead of people who will drain you.

Live fearlessly but cautiously.

Love life. Love your family. Love your friends and more importantly love yourself.

Laugh, keep laughing, and when you are done, laugh some more.

Fall in love.  It’s ok if you get hurt. You will stand up strong again and love again.
When you fall in love, make sure you love yourself with that person.

Be kind hearted. Never ever be bitter or angry.  Leave it behind you and move on.

Live with no regrets.

Carpe Momentum.