Excuse me while I float in a peaceful sea

He was stunned when I told him I currently do not have any future goals or plans. He stated that I’m not ambitious and that an intelligent person as myself should not just be floating around life aimlessly. I looked at him and smiled, for how could he understand?

How could he understand that for over a decade I was constantly swimming against a tidal wave in the midst of the perfect storm?

How could he understand that for that entire period, I hated bedtime because my dreams exhausted me?

How could he understand that for the longest time, people used me as an example of what ‘bad luck’ is when they tried to console others?

How could he understand that my own dad consoled my brother by telling him that his ‘strong’ sister was constantly aching, in pain, and disappointed?

How could he understand that when I used to dance the night away, I used to dance to forget and vent out?

How could he understand?

Excuse me,

Excuse me while I dance feeling free as if I’ve torn the bandage off,

Excuse me while I shine my happiness onto others,

Excuse me while I forget what pain and disappointment feels like,

Excuse me while I feel blessed for getting a long good night’s sleep,

Excuse me while I appreciate this rare period of peace in my life,

Excuse me while I float in a peaceful sea.

 

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Turbulence

Four years ago, if you had asked my friends what kind of person I was, they would have told you that I was a control freak, a workaholic, and someone who was extremely busy with life’s flow. That isn’t to say that I didn’t have a social life. I did. I made time for my family and friends. My days were filled with deadlines and my free evenings were full of social events.

One afternoon, on a flight home after a weekend away, it dawned on me that I had the opportunity to drop everything and take a year off. I had been through a tough year  in every sense possible.  I had been wanting to take a sabbatical to do some traveling and learning for a while but never had the courage to do so. It dawned on me, that I was 30 years old, I was done with any financial obligations I had had, and did not have anyone relying on me. When would I get an opportunity like this again?  I thought it’s now or never. Continue reading Turbulence

Everything you need to know about the Armenian Genocide

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With ISIS close by and wars occurring in neighboring countries, I continuously am told that Armenians should get over something that took place 100 years ago, and instead focus on current events that need our attention.  It has also come to my attention that many people are not well informed about the genocide. Hence why I felt the need to write up an informative post  regarding the genocide and the importance to recognize it.

Continue reading Everything you need to know about the Armenian Genocide

I’ve fallen in love with Lebanon… And myself.

When I first moved here, I’d walk in the city listening to music, feeling liberated and light. I’d force myself not to twirl so that people would not think I was crazy. The big smile plastered on my face and my bouncy walk was enough to let people think I was. I remember asking myself, how long would I feel like this? This feeling must be temporary.

11 months later, I’m walking around exploring random neighbourhoods in the city admiring the old architecture and the charm of every alleyway.

11 months later, I still hold myself from twirling.

11 months later, I still have a huge smile plastered on my face.

11 months later, I still feel liberated.

This country has inspired me to do so much.
This country has nourished my soul.
This country has been good to me.

Day after day, I love this country more and more, and with it I love myself more.

 

Coexisting with a New State of Mind

Rampurple

It’s not a secret that I would have loved for Lebanon to become secular but unfortunately, this does not seem to be the case. Instead, we see a growing interest and involvement in religion that has been caused by several factors and day after day, we see religion playing an increasingly dominant role in the political sphere. What people believe in has become politics. How people practice their religion has become politics. In short, religion equals politics.

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The Importance of Trying New Things

Ever since I was in high school, I have been creating 5 year plans, which I’d revise according to new circumstances or opportunities. I was a total control freak. I simply liked to envision what my life could possible look like in the future. “Knowing” what the future held for me always made me feel more at ease and a lot more confident.

A few months ago, I found myself without a plan and clueless about where I wanted to head to or what I wanted to do next. Naturally, the control freak in me hit the panic button but I soon realized how liberating this was.  I also remembered that I promised myself to hit the cruise control button this year. 

I am simply floating around aimlessly, waiting for something to appeal to my senses so I’d head in its direction. Continue reading The Importance of Trying New Things

The Solace of Solitude

I prefer the solace of solitude over you.
I’m not broken, don’t try to fix me.
It’s not you, it’s me.

The biggest rock won’t change me.
Your tender heart won’t change me.
Promises of a future won’t change me.

I prefer the solace of solitude over you.
I was a happy child, I still am happy.
It’s not you, it’s me.

Your relentless attention won’t change me.
The comfort of your arms won’t change me.
Memories of our past won’t change me.

I prefer the solace of solitude over you.
I got my heart broken, and broke several.
I’m not broken, don’t try to fix me.

I prefer the solace of solitude over you.
I won’t commit, I’m not ashamed.

I prefer the solace of solitude.

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