Tag Archives: happy

Excuse me while I float in a peaceful sea

He was stunned when I told him I currently do not have any future goals or plans. He stated that I’m not ambitious and that an intelligent person as myself should not just be floating around life aimlessly. I looked at him and smiled, for how could he understand?

How could he understand that for over a decade I was constantly swimming against a tidal wave in the midst of the perfect storm?

How could he understand that for that entire period, I hated bedtime because my dreams exhausted me?

How could he understand that for the longest time, people used me as an example of what ‘bad luck’ is when they tried to console others?

How could he understand that my own dad consoled my brother by telling him that his ‘strong’ sister was constantly aching, in pain, and disappointed?

How could he understand that when I used to dance the night away, I used to dance to forget and vent out?

How could he understand?

Excuse me,

Excuse me while I dance feeling free as if I’ve torn the bandage off,

Excuse me while I shine my happiness onto others,

Excuse me while I forget what pain and disappointment feels like,

Excuse me while I feel blessed for getting a long good night’s sleep,

Excuse me while I appreciate this rare period of peace in my life,

Excuse me while I float in a peaceful sea.

 

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I’ve fallen in love with Lebanon… And myself.

When I first moved here, I’d walk in the city listening to music, feeling liberated and light. I’d force myself not to twirl so that people would not think I was crazy. The big smile plastered on my face and my bouncy walk was enough to let people think I was. I remember asking myself, how long would I feel like this? This feeling must be temporary.

11 months later, I’m walking around exploring random neighbourhoods in the city admiring the old architecture and the charm of every alleyway.

11 months later, I still hold myself from twirling.

11 months later, I still have a huge smile plastered on my face.

11 months later, I still feel liberated.

This country has inspired me to do so much.
This country has nourished my soul.
This country has been good to me.

Day after day, I love this country more and more, and with it I love myself more.

 

Getting up close & personal with a truck

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It’s not a secret that when you move to Lebanon, one of the things you really need to adjust to is the driving here.  (Un)Fortunately, I was not a complete stranger to driving in Lebanon since I have been driving here for years, and actually learnt how to drive in Lebanon but nonetheless, one of the things everyone warned me about when I was moving here was driving.

Shortly after I moved here, I got initiated into the accidents in Lebanon club however, funny enough, I was not driving.

Continue reading Getting up close & personal with a truck

I did it!

Cheers to a new day
Cheers to a new day

I DID IT!!

 It’s finally sinking in… I did it. I have moved here.

It kicked in for the first time yesterday, as I was leaving the office and walking to my car and paid attention to the view of the sea, the mountains, and the port. I froze, I took a deep breath, I smiled… and it hit me, I have moved here. I am no longer a visitor but I actually live here!

I went out for a stroll during lunch break today. I had my earphones on and my playlist was on shuffle… and again, at some point, I froze, I took a deep breath, I smiled… I did it. I moved here.  I felt so light. I could actually feel a bounce in my steps, and was controlling myself from dancing in the streets.

I wondered how long would I feel like this?

Continue reading I did it!

How I Became Happy

On a warm summer day last year, my mother and I were sitting on our balcony enjoying the cool breeze while sipping on coffee and catching up.  I told her I was the happiest I have been in a long time and that  I could not remember the last time I was as happy as I was then. Mom looked at me quizzically and asked how it was possible that I, a person who had just resigned from my job with no back up plan, no savings, and single at the age of 32, be happier than I ever was. That pretty much was the same reaction I got from everyone else.

Some people wondered if I was in love.  I did feel like I was  in love but not with someone; I was in love with life and all that it holds. I was falling in love with life again. That’s when my friends nodded and smiled but looked like they were worried for me.

I started thinking if I was being delusional.  Was I truly happy or was it a crazy phase I was going through? Was it some sort of masked depression? Would this feeling of being high in life sustain?

A year has passed and I can now confirm that I truly did find happiness. It was real. I’m not just talking about the haha short term kind of happiness, but true happiness. The feeling where you feel like nothing may affect you. Now don’t get me wrong, there were days when I felt down but that’s only natural as long as you are happy the majority of the time, and I am capable of counting the number of times I felt down this past year on one hand.

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What happened that made me happy? It was quite simple really. Read on to find out my 12 steps!

Continue reading How I Became Happy